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THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR AN INDIAN SAY:


"Dang, it's gonna rain and I just waxed my car."
"Naw, I don't feel like going snagging tonight."
"You can't feed that to the dog!"
"No thanks we're vegetarians."
"No thanks I don't want any fry bread."
"Do you think my hair is too long?"
"Trim the fat off that steak."
"The tires on that truck are too big."
"Yes officer, I have my license, registration and insurance right
here."


What School Did You Go To?

At the urinal an accountant, a lawyer and an Indian were standing
side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally
scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20
paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and
commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they
taught us to be clean.

"The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his
fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from
the University of California and they taught us to be
environmentally conscious."

The Indian zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I
graduated from Boarding School and they taught us not to pee on our
hands."

 

 
 
Fry Bread
 
The old tribal chairman was on his deathbed. He had only hours to
live when he suddenly smelled the scent of frybread wafting into his
room.

Aaahhhh... He loved frybread more than anything else in the world.

With his last bit of energy, he pulled himself out of bed. Down the
stairs and into the kitchen he went. There was his beloved wife,
Lillian kneading the dough for a new batch. As he reached for one of
the fresh steaming frybreads, he got smacked across the back of his
hand by the wooden spoon his wife was holding.

"Leave them alone!" she said. "They're for the funeral!"

 
 
All for the People
 
4 men gather on the top of 30-story building, an East Indian, a
Japanese, an American Indian, and a White Man.

The East Indian guy says, "This is for my people!" and he jumps
off.

The Japanese says, "This is for my people!" and jumps off.

The American Indian says, "This is for my people" and pushes the
White Man off.

 

From a guy who was paying child support -

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday....... I'm so glad that this is
my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, of
those payments!

So I called my baby girl Kareesha to come over to my house and when
she got there, I said to her ... "Baby girl, I want you to take this
last check over to your mother's house and tell her that this is the
last check she's ever going to get from me and I want you to come
back and tell me the _expression that's on her face."

So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was really anxious to
hear what she had to say and what she said her mother looked like. As
my baby girl walked through the door, I said, "Now what did she have
to say?"

"She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy... and to watch the
_expression on your face".


 
 
Puzzled Indian Boy


This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?"

She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"

She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."

 "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"

The mother said, "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."

Mother Indian paused and asked her son, "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?

 

 
Just for women
 
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = MARRIAGE

Dumb man + dumb woman = PREGNANCY



OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = PROMOTION

Dumb boss + dumb employee = OVERTIME



SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.



LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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